Kewan
“You will not be able to remember what life was before kids, no more taking of trips to the cinema, restaurant..no random shopping with your friends, kids take over your whole being,  they are so needy, your programme will be determined by them. Your career may have to come to a standstill, children are a financial burden, you will not be able to recognise your body after the kids”

These are some of the ‘setbacks’ I was told come with mommyhood. Really! 

Life definitely changed tremendously with an addition(s) to my life with some of the physical changes too visible not to notice; moving from a size 8 to 12, messed up sleeping pattern, cut down on social life…

On the other hand, having a baby has made me better in many ways.

My friend Rose says “I never knew how strong and resilient I was till I became a mama. Being a mama obliges me to multitask, to be organised, to be kind, patient, compassionate and the so on”

I couldn’t agree more with my beloved friend, mommyhood brings out so much in me.

Compassion

Motherhood makes compassion easy, in my culture, a compassionate lady is described as a person with a motherly heart. Last week, I was travelling to another city in a train, and there was this lady with a baby who decided to ‘entertain’ the travellers with some unsolicited music, I watched silently for about 10mins, the poor mother did all she could to stop his screaming to no avail, I could hear other travellers fidgeting and giving her that nasty look of “please we need some quiet in here”, at this point I just walked up to her and asked if I could help with the baby, thankfully she was open to accept help, all I had to do was to reach for the baby’s hand towel, sprinkle some water and give her to gently wipe her little one and that made him quiet, he was just too warm I suppose. Being a mama certainly makes you a better person, a more compassionate one. Motherhood qualifies you to be a member of some universal kinship, you connect easily with other moms across the globe. You automatically find yourself drawn to their stories and experiences.

Creativity

Being a mom has brought out a level of creativity in me. Got to find ways and even tricks to keep the little ones going and happy. Before now I would never have imagined a vacuum cleaner sound could be a lullaby to a newborn, or dipping apples in yogurt to get my little toddler eat some fruits. A mother’s life is a life of creativity, it could be in finding creative ways to make sure that little tummy is filled in a case where you have a picky one. The kids just bring out the best in you, many times I am amazed at what I can do, things my pre-mama self could never consider doing. Learning to deal with each stage, in fact growing in knowledge with the kids.

Discipline

With a new schedule of 2 feeds at night, changing diapers, daily laundry, ironing, cleaning etc. I have learnt to be disciplined! Giving attention to priorities, knowing when to say yes and no, after all, it is the same discipline that transmits eventually to the children! so I have got to lead by example. Cutting down on the time on social media, television, visits and other activities that could culminate to be a distraction to me.

A Better understanding of love

The love that never fails, the love that bears all things (the messy smelling diapers, the pukes, the sleepless nights, the annoying screams). A mother’s love is so profound to the point that even the bible makes an allusion to it.Can a mother forget her sucking baby?Even though she may, I the Lord will not forget you… I have engraved you in the palms of my hands… (Isaiah 49:15-16)

Being a Mom makes me appreciate God’s love more. The bible says He has loved us with an everlasting love… while we were yet sinners Christ died for us, He reached out for us in our messy state, a love that endureth forever. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

Accept help

Before the kids, I was a kind of if you want it done, then do it yourself person, this too has changed. I am undeniably stronger than I thought, a very good friend of mine often says “Ke I don’t know how you can do this and that and that”, usually I smile and tell her when she starts having kids, she will discover her hidden potentials.

But I am far from being a super mama, I have learnt to accept help and in fact greatly covet it when possible. In Africa we say “it takes a village to raise a child” in the absence of my village people, I am always blessed when I get help of any kind from my loving community here. In this journey, you can’t do it all alone, learn to ask and accept help when you can.

It is true I can’t tell how life was before the kids but I definitely prefer this version of life with them.

Much love to you amazing mom.

what has mommyhood been like? will love to hear your story.