“A man will cheat except he intentionally and consciously decides not to!”

I have been reading lots of stories and reports about men of God who cheat on their wives, so in a recent conversation with my mentor; a man of God I hold in high esteem and whose counsel has helped me tremendously through life, the issue popped up somehow in our discussion. Maybe because it’s been trending for awhile now. Why will a minister of the gospel cheat on his wife? There have been too many stories of men of God falling into the sin of adultery. Like a child, I have been asking questions and this was a perfect opportunity to get some answers. Why do some married men cheat? Here is an abridged transcript of our chat:

Me:  Okay Sir, is it possible that these anointed men of God can cheat on their wives?

Mentor: (smiling) Yes, it is very possible

Me: Really! Okay, what will make a man cheat on his wife?

Mentor: There are tons of reasons why a man will cheat on his wife. But I will dwell on a few; denial, denial is a major problem with most men. Denial of the fact that we are tempted in every way. Most men think they are strong, but the temptations are real! You need not be unaware of the devil’s schemes. Given that they are at the helm of true churches that terrorize Satan’s kingdom, they are his main target, so he (satan constantly attacks them with the spirit of lust.

If there is one thing I pray for most in my life is my marriage. Daily I pray:

  • To love my wife more like Christ does love the church,
  • That the Lord lead me not into temptation and if by any means temptation comes my way, give me an exit.
  • Crucify my flesh and its lustful desires by focusing on Jesus, who overcame all manner of lusts while on earth. Therefore, every arrow of lustful thoughts the Enemy throws at my mind, I  intentionally and consciously bring it to captivity to the obedience of Christ – who alone was tempted in every way but never sinned). (Heb 4:15 paraphrased)

The problem with most men of God is living in denial or should I say negligence. We are bombarded with images of half-naked women everywhere, believe me, these sow seeds that if not dealt with, you will cheat when an opportunity presents itself. That’s why a man needs to pray for his marriage. The bed must remain undefiled! We need God’s grace to keep it undefiled.

Men need to pray and seal their marriage union as much as the wife does and even much more as men face more temptations in this area than women.

Me: But some people tend to believe if a man cheats, it is probably the wife’s fault

Mentor: No, no, no, Kewan, people got it all wrong! The man is the head of the woman, he is the priest and the spiritual leader! That’s the consciousness he should carry! No matter what his wife does, he is accountable to God. Joseph said , “…how then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Gen 39:9). He could as well have grabbed the opportunity to sleep with his master’s wife. But he recognized the fact that it was a wicked thing to do and a sin against God. So no man should blame a sin he commits against God on his wife.

Take the case of Job, he said: “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid” (Job 31:1). So, men need to get their game together, get into a covenant with your eyes or legs or hands, car, not to do evil. Don’t blame Eve for disobeying the instruction that was given to Adam. It’s the same blame game today, a man willfully commits adultery, then blames it on his wife. Adultery doesn’t just happen, there is an incubation time where the seed sown (negative image) matures and if not dealt with, it blossoms into sin!

King David, unlike Joseph and Job, saw Bathsheba bathing and because he had no covenant with his eyes, he ended up committing adultery. David saw her, she was beautiful to look upon, he enquired after the woman, sent for her, before the final act [2 Samuel 11:2-4]. It was a process (he saw her — looked upon her — enquired after her — sent for her—-and committed the sinful act!

Another thing, we men are not very open, can a man just call a brother and say “hey bro, this is what I am going through, please pray with me?” Nope that is rare, a man wants to prove he is in charge! That too is a problem. Men need to support and pray for each other just like women do.

On the other hand, women need to be careful as well; do not deprive your husband of sex, Paul says it in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “Deprive ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control” So no woman should give room for temptation to ensue. A man wants to feel valued and cherished. 

Me: wow! Thank you, sir, I think most men need to hear this wisdom.

Colossians 3:5-6 “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: For which things’ skae the wrath of God cometh on the chirldren of disobedience…”

Kudos to all the men around me who are keeping the marital bed undefiled!