After picking up the kids, I walked towards the parked car, as I bent over to strap them into their seats, I heard a sudden loud noise on the street baaam! Just a few meters from where my car was parked. I turned around to look, I saw someone lying in the middle of the street. Quickly, I got the kids settled in their seats, locked the car and made quick steps to see what was happening ahead of us.

The young man (25 years) was lying face down on the street, gradually giving up…what happened? Did someone push him? What? What? The guy had thrown himself from his room on the third floor of a nearby apartment.

Okay, confused and sweating, has someone called the ambulance? “Yes, we called and the guys are on their way…” I stood close by, praying and hoping the ambulance will arrive on time to save his life.

I had wrapped my hair with a headscarf that adds 20 years to my days. So this young lady approached and asked: “Are you his mom?” Nope, I am not” The one lying on the floor had my skin color so it was easy to think I was family.  Many questions on my mind at that moment.  What happened? What was he going through? Did he talk to someone? Did he leave a note? What? What? Did someone soil his personality on social media? ( I hear a lot of young suicide attempts due to some social media shaming)  What will the family back in Somalia make of this?

many questions no answer. How I wished I knew his story, what difference would it have made?

The ambulance finally arrived, tried to reanimate the guy, about ten minutes into the process, he gave up the ghost! So I just watched someone kill himself… just like that! It is one thing to read and hear about suicide and it is another thing to witness one.

I got home completely drained, still can’t remember how I pulled the car from there.

This brought back painful memories, my family had lost a beloved to suicide. In our case, no note was left behind, or any clue, just a gigantic mystery to be solved. Some family members still live in unbelief, they think the deceased was killed.

I can’t claim to understand why someone will commit suicide but one thing I know is depression is real. People got issues!  And the saddest thing is most times depressed people ‘play happy’ and hide every sign that something is not right.

Later that evening, I stumbled on a Facebook suicide support page, you will be surprised at the number of people who commit suicide daily! It is so so sad.

Some reactions from people who have lost loved ones to suicide:

I read this from a woman who lost her husband to suicide

”  I would give up everything to have him back. I wake up every morning and think this is a bad dream. I just don’t understand where he is and keep looking for a sign of him. I can’t accept the fact he is gone. Not only do I feel this but our entire family feels this way. Our life’s forever changed and just can’t accept this nightmare.”

Another said “I just wish he knew how much he was loved, he would have thought differently, the pain is unbearable”

Yet another wrote “Unless the LORD heals you, there’s no way you can survive a loss of a loved one in this manner”

Witnessing it live took a toll on me, but I had to remind myself of some values to live by:

  • To daily strive to live a blameless life.
  • Enjoy the moments in life and focus on what is important. Having in mind the words of CT Studd “Only one life ’twill soon be past.Only what’s done for Christ will last.” If it doesn’t have an eternal weight, then don’t sweat it!
  • Have in mind, there is always a way out, no challenging situation can be the end of it.
  • More people love me than I can imagine.
  • It reminded me of the fact that I have to do all I can to reach out to others.
  • Above all sow love and kindness at all times

And to anyone passing through turbulent times; this I say

-Suicide has never been a solution! The one who commits suicide leaves behind a host of people with unbearable pain, guilt, and unanswered questions

-You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it, don’t cut it short for any reason!

-There is always a solution to the most difficult problem and suicide is not one of them!

-You can’t put a full stop in the place of a semi colon, pick up the pen and continue writing your story.

-Talk to someone, you will be surprised at how much people care and love you.

Depression is so real and even the most positive people also have negative thoughts sometimes. The difference is the positive people quickly snap out of negativity.

Let your loved ones know how much you love them. It could help even if what we fear most ever happens, you do not have to deal with any guilt.

May the Lord help us!